Today talking about pain, suffering, depression is taboo.
In 2021 you almost have to be ashamed of it, talking about this softly, because we all have to be smiley and joyful. We've evolved into this unbridled wellness, so… no reason to be unhappy…
As if being bulimic was a star’s whim. "Yes honey! You love to eat, you are pretty glutton…..." NOOOOO!
It's a problem, a disorder. You want to fill a void and you want to shield yourself from the outside. You gulp down every food to build a wall around you. Do you understand? I've been in analysis for over 7 years (of course not just because of this... (of course not just because of this... everyone’s have messes inside.)
I know that you might not care, but I also know that my pain will force you to look at yours.
I was interviewed by an American radio to present my latest single THE EMPTY FULLNESS .
I was expecting an usual chat about music in general, pandemic, aberrant streaming live shows, my favorite bands, and so on. But, no. I was completely taken aback by the host's strong interest in my song's lyrics and, when I mentioned bulimia, she asked me a thousand questions about my eating disorder, going into detail and allowing me to tell, to explain. At last! And she asked me why in Italy there were no news items talking about this song for what it really is.
In fact, when years ago I used the word bulimia in an interview here in Italy... a chill fell out at the radio station... - "Come on, let's not exaggerate!" was the host’s puzzled remark. Yes, because bulimia is not a whim. It's pain. I said it’s a fucking pain!!! I will be banned because pain is not "politically correct". Pain ain't got good vibes.
As far as I'm concerned, if I were serene, I wouldn't tell anything. I would just live my life. I wouldn't need to choke my demons into music notes, because those demons wouldn't exist or, at any rate they wouldn't be so pushy... and I repeat... as far as I'm concerned.
Everyone makes art in a free way. For me, music is a therapy and everyone can adopt the colors that best reflect their soul. And it’s this variety among artists that creates Beauty. If we all wrote about love and joy, it would all be extremely boring.
So please, let's remove this cliché of unnatural positivism.
Anyway, I want to end with a clarification. Adult people also suffer from bulimia. Often you have been bulimic for years and you don't want to give a name to this behavior. You are unaware of this behavior. It becomes such a habit to be transfigured by own pain so you no longer notice i; in fact, it becomes our own shelter. It was crucial for me to baptize my pain, to become aware, to grow and to evolve.
In adulthood, bulimia takes different turns. Obsession and void filling arise not only through food, but also touching other aspects of the life. So we no longer seek only food, but anything that will satisfy our raging hunger for love...if only for a moment.